With a bit of brainpower from my wonderfully-talented web guru friend, Lesley Foster of Brown Dog Creative, I’ve been planning this blog for, oh, maybe two months. (Lesley coughs. Ok, it has been more like three months. Ok, ack, four.) Well, I’ve just decided, today is P-Day - the day of my first post.
Perhaps you’re wondering, “Why this is such a big deal - starting a blog. Pssssht, my 12-year-old has three blogs and over 2,000 subscribers. Cake.” Sigh. I wonder the same thing. And after 1) much recent, extensive blog research and reading, 2) delving into my past and current photo life - motivation, obsessions, process, imagery - and the photo lives of many others (as photography is what most of this is supposed to be about after all) and 3) semi-deep soul searching, I almost ready to admit I’m a perfectionist. (I hear my cool, extremely-tolerant husband Darren questioning, as he doubles over with laughter, “And this is a revelation?”)
Perfectionism can be motivating, a driving force, a constant push to improve how I combine gear, light and subject to create an even better image than the last; to be in the decisive moment; to never give up, never surrender.
However, it also trips me up, shuts me down. Perfectionism means, upon committing to putting something “official” into the blog-O-sphere, I’ll have to post perfect images, perfect content and pay attention to perfectly everything. Oh the pressure of attaining such perfection! So instead of actually taking my shot, I’ve just avoided it by rationalizing, “Like the sphere needs more of anything I’d shoot and write, especially when compared to the amazing images and info of my three of my favs David Hobby of Strobist, Chase Jarvis of Chase Jarvis Photography and Barb Uil of Jinky Art.
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” - Abraham Lincoln
I love Honest Abe and this quote has forever been the gospel. Until today.
In the name of science (and in the hard-to-kick habit of avoidance), I took a quick test at Discovery Health to see how much of a perfectionist I am before admitting it to any of you. (Not that there are any of “you” yet. Fingers crossed there will be soon.) Scored 67 out of 100.
What does your score mean?
According to this test, you have some perfectionist tendencies that may be making you unnecessarily unhappy. You sometimes set high standards that are difficult to meet; either you impose those expectations on yourself, others, or a combination of the two. You may even think that others expect you to be perfect. While a desire to do your very best and strive to reach your full potential can bring you personal fulfillment, you have to learn when good is ‘good enough’. It’s important that you strengthen your ability to distinguish between reasonable aspirations and unrealistic demands. When you set unattainable objectives, you are being cruel to yourself and denying yourself the rewards and self-acceptance that you deserve.
Hmmmm. So this is where all this blog-O-drama has gotten me: To the realization I’m an imperfect perfectionist and that’s perfectly ok. Yes, deep down, I have known this all along. But today, right now, I’ve decided to believe it and start posting, creating, contributing in my own way - to no longer deny myself “the rewards and self-acceptance” I deserve! Cue spotlight and Star Wars theme music. I’m a bit daunted by the thought of trying publicly to be a good blogger and photographer (and wife and mother and human and figure out tags and categories? Oh my!)
Call me a fool, but I’m opening my mouth and that saying whatever most of it turns out to be, it will be “good enough” and maybe even perfect in it’s own imperfect way. So let today and every day be P-Day - a celebration of Posts, Photography and imPerfectionism.
I’m in. What about you?